how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
