I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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