I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
