You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
