Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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