How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
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