Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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