we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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