At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
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