"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
