Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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