I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
