I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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