My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
