we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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