Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
PANTIES FOUND
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