I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize
