Where are you?
In a non slutty way
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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