i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
