based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
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