They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
i need some magic done to my vagina
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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