hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I love having hate sex.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
