you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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