you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
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