haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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