Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
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