The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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