Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
