if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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