You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
i wish my penis had a tongue
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
The air taste purple.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
