I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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