i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
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