and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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