My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
