They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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