I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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