Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
