i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
