FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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