i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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