I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
