Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
