ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize