After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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