sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Let's paint friendship bongs
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
