She is in my trunk
I am puke
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
He shit in the fireplace
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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