Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Randomize
