You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Randomize
