Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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