i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
