it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
