Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
