my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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