If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
