question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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