you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
