we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
ttyl tear gas
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
