the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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