I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I party with great urgency now.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
