their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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