I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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