I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Randomize
