she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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