Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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