Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
