I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
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