You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Randomize
