Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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