Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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