You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
