After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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