I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
