the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
